wow i feel so much better today. i didnt stay in bed at all, i actually got up and stayed up and didnt slip into a coma at any point. i havent gone a full day like this in weeks! and not one suicidal thought. not one slit wrist fantasy. dreams really do come true.
um yeah so the latest Lasik appointment was a total bust. but i dont care anymore; i’ve accepted the fact that my vision is fucked and i can live with it. they told me to come back in 6-8 weeks. the stupid surgeon had her stupid baby. and she’s supposed to come back in 6-8 weeks. get it? thats all i know. what happens when i return with the same eyesight i’ve had for every visit, i dont know. dr. dickwad gives me no information and only gets pissy when i ask questions so i just roll with it. i’m hoping to pick up braille soon.
i finally finally got a new psychologist. dr. schnitzel. or strudel or somesuch pastry sounding name. i havent actually met her, the 1st appt is on tuesday. sweet satanic verses this shit never works out. i never feel better but for some reason i always feel hopeful when i get a new doctor. THIS WILL BE THE ONE! i scream aloud twirling in a pink flared skirt, around and around in a field of wildflowers and soft wheat. For a completely hopeless person i am insanely optimistic about these things. i hope shes not some religious cunt that bakes in a tanning bed and whitens her teeth and has 3 crowns stored in her childhood bedroom at her parent’s house. please god please.
today was a delight but saturday was horrid. i was hung over and thirsty and i dont know i guess all my pill power drained out with the urine. i was ready to die a thousand times over. but that was then.
:)
