exhawstshun

I’m ready to collapse, people, but it’s my birthday and shouldn’t we all make time to blog on our bday? sigh. Despite the urge to sink these keys in despair, im going to make this a positive post. yes, HIV positive.

you know, i love that my mom decided to kick me out of her womb on september 1st. i always get a 3-day weekend (Labor Day! my favorite holiday). Other good things about my birthday: my boyfriend got tickets to a comedy club for me and 2 of our friends (his friends actually, i dont have any), we had such a good time AND just when i thought the weekend couldnt get any better, i read that potential vp sarah palin’s own child is havin’ a baby. high-larious. thats all i will say about her, she’s been written about so much already im sick of her name, her politics, her hair, her face, her-pes? amen.

i caught you in my painter's tape

so one of the “friends” we went to the club with on saturday— i just discovered the blog that she’s been writing in secret for 2 years. i didnt realize we had so much in common: she wishes her dad had died instead of lived, she’s miserable, she’s seeing a psychologist, she feels like a directionless failure who wasted time on meaningless courses of study, she has no friends and she would like to stay at home and write for a living. How cool is that, to find a secret window into a long-time-acquaintance’s soul and nose all about? its too bad i think she is a shallow, selfish, predictable robot, otherwise i might actually try to reach out and be friends with her. i realize that makes me a sound like an incurable STD. & i’m fine with that.

h a p p y b i r t h d a y t o m e !

my god is that time of the month AGAIN???

i dont think it is but it sure as shit feels like it. Am i the only chick ready stick a knife in her throat the day before the urine runs red? for your sake, i hope so. i hate to brag, but my period lasts 8-12 days. you’re jealous, i know. More likely you wish you were my boyfriend who asks himself every16 days: “How did i get saddled with this bloodbag of a girlfriend?”

The question i really want to ask is: why is Propranonal the leading referrer to my blog? are there that many people out there desperate for propranonol info? i’ve let you people down. forgive me.

ok, so i cant spell the word (proprananol?) but heres

What i know about Propranolol

most of my dreams have died

but i still dream of being on What Not To Wear. Just the THOUGHT of being on television provokes nausea so i don’t know why i want this so bad. maybe because i want to be BFF with Clinton Kelly and Stacy London for a week. i kinda fear Nick Arrojo’s scissors too. but if i could have Carmindy spray some foundation on my face, i could truly die happy.

If i was a gay man i’d marry Clinton Kelly. He’d love me, i know he would. I guess we’d have to move to San Francisco or Massachusetts for our union to be legal. I could deal with that. i’m obsessed. i realize this. other things I know: Nick Arrojo is from Manchester England and Carmindy is from Newport Beach, California. Both Stacy and Clinton are from New York. Now you know.

And has anyone else noticed the resemblance between Stacy London, Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Fallon? Jimmy and Stacy are both from New York. i guess their moms fucked the same mailman?

ahh, but you don’t

things that annoy me

1. Those who refer to themselves in the 3rd person. wtf. get over yourself.
2. People who do not have a meaningful About page (i.e. it’s blank or a picture of a fish).
3. People who park their cars in the fire lane at the grocery store, go in, take their effing sweet time shopping, and then saunter on back to their POS car and drive away. This kind of person deserves to be pelted with stones until he or she is unconscious and bleeding.
4. Inconsiderate noise-makers. If you go into a room where someone is on her laptop, OBVIOUSLY trying to get some work done and you start talking in screams, you also deserve a severe beating.
5. Drivers who park their cars in 2 spots, or because they have such a giant SUV, they are 1/4 inch over the parking lines. I fucking hate you and I hope your teeth fall out during your next cell phone conversation.
6. All solicitors, especially those who come to my house. The one today, who rang the doorbell, knocked loudly and frantically, then rang the bell again and again, deserves to fall head first into a woodchipper.
7. me, when i procrastinate, stay up all night and produce shitwork (which happens every day).

yay. tommorrow i have appt #2 with Dr. Pastry. I hope she lets me take a bite out of her forearm.

It’s official

another awesome day. i stayed up all night working on my book and then when it was time to leave for school i had an overwhelming urge not to go. i started crying. and then i emailed my professor and said i had a migraine, which, based on past experience, i will get in a few hours so its more like a forecast rather than a lie. despite having the future on my side, i felt overcome by guilt. i was ready to crawl out of my skin. i let him down, i let me down, i mean come on wtf? what adult student skips school? am i completely pathetic? Yes. and horrors upon horrors i reread the email i sent to MC and it sounded like i was a total cunt when i was really just being friendly and honest (MC, if you are reading this, i wasn’t trying to be mean or snotty. i’m a socailly inept retard. i think youre wonderful). AGGH! Guilt punches me in the throat again.