why coffee why?

so i had too much coffee today… and my alarm will go off in 3.5 hours. Oh well. My job doesnt involve any heavy lifting. ahem. so yeah i got that job i was worried about. And its so awesome. Weird too. it’s classified as an internship. I get paid and everything but there are no benefits like insurance or paid vacation. It’s funny how everyone just assumes i’m 20 years old because i go to college and have an internship. i should get a tshirt made: SORRY I CANT HANDLE THE REAL WORLD on the front. and FUCK OFF on the back. Most of my coworkers are very pleasant but some constantly make remarks about my inexperience or stupidity based on my intern status. ive been told i have a young face but whatever, its fucking rude. A perk though: i can wear jeans and take zero responsiblity because OOPS i’m the intern.

i share an office with real interns. (*Not their actual names although i’m sure they would prefer them to the ones they have) Gasolina* is 21 and acts like she is 12. Carcinojenni* is 22 and dresses like she’s the president of the universe. she looks ridiculous in her power dresses and high heels. She’s very tan. She told me she wanted to look just like me when she was 34. I told her to start applying sunscreen. Gasolina loves to remind me that with our age difference i could be her Mom. If i was her mom she would’ve grown up in an orphanage. she thought that was funny but i was dead serious.

Even with cancer, i’m feeling the tanned body peer pressure. Carcinojenni and her damned golden skin. i bought some Clarins self tanning gel from Sephora. i’m still the same shade of white girl i was before i applied it. maybe when daybreaks i’ll be all holly berry.

tuesday i get my prk surgery. nausea.

look if you dare

i finally took off the pressure bandage and looked at my stitches! It’s a bigger cut than i thought. 10 stitches. if you are grossed out by such things, proceed no further.

i’m cured

The plastic surgeon, the staff, the nurses, the facility, everything about taking care of my skin cancer today was great (it makes me hate my lasik doctors even more). They only had to go in twice to remove tissue, so it wasn’t too bad at all.

This is how it went down: After they completely numbed the area, they took some skin off. Then I was sent to the waiting room while they reviewed the cells in the lab. The waiting room was cozy comfortable and it was full of old people. We all sat around with bandages on our faces and necks. There was one lady that wasn’t too too old like the rest, I would guess she was in her 40s. She was crying the entire time. Some man was with her trying to comfort her. Her bandage wasn’t even as big as mine was. I don’t know what her deal was, the procedure doesn’t hurt at all. Maybe they told her her’s was fatal? After about 20 minutes, they called me back in to the operating room, removed some more tissue because they said they didn’t get all of it. The 3rd time they got me out of the waiting room, they said everything looked good, so they stitched me up.

And now I have this stylish patch on my face. It’s starting to swell a bit, but thats normal. It also will be bruised. I had low blood pressure when it was over with, so I was lightheaded, a bit dizzy and extremely tired. It’s not uncommon if you lose blood, and it could simply be from dehydration. So I drank alot of water and had some gatorade and now I’m all better.

I get my stitches out Monday. Yay.

People! People!

tomorrow i go to the nazi lazik center again. absolutely positively fucking dreading that shit. i hope i have wonderous news to post tomorrow after the visit. funny, right? Maybe I should make an effort to look presentable for the doctors. maybe they think i’m an orphan and homeless and so they dont take me seriously. Maybe if i go in there smelling of expensive perfume and pressed clothing i’ll charm them all and they will decide to pay attention to my failing eyesite. or maybe i need to take a roofie and go to bed.

oh bugger

I got a voicemail yesterday from my Dermatologist’s office. They always always send me a letter to let me know my biopsies are normal, so I knew straight away that getting a phone call wasn’t good. And I was so right! Basal cell carcinoma just below my cheekbone! But honestly that kind of skin cancer i’m not too worried about. My mom has had many of those removed, so I knew it was just a matter of time for me. I have fair skin, blond hair, blue eyes. I grew up in south Florida and tanned alllll through high school. So I half expect it anytime I go to the dermatologist, but this is my first bona fide case.