i love water

wow i feel so much better today. i didnt stay in bed at all, i actually got up and stayed up and didnt slip into a coma at any point. i havent gone a full day like this in weeks! and not one suicidal thought. not one slit wrist fantasy. dreams really do come true.

um yeah so the latest Lasik appointment was a total bust. but i dont care anymore; i’ve accepted the fact that my vision is fucked and i can live with it. they told me to come back in 6-8 weeks. the stupid surgeon had her stupid baby. and she’s supposed to come back in 6-8 weeks. get it? thats all i know. what happens when i return with the same eyesight i’ve had for every visit, i dont know. dr. dickwad gives me no information and only gets pissy when i ask questions so i just roll with it. i’m hoping to pick up braille soon.

i finally finally got a new psychologist. dr. schnitzel. or strudel or somesuch pastry sounding name. i havent actually met her, the 1st appt is on tuesday. sweet satanic verses this shit never works out. i never feel better but for some reason i always feel hopeful when i get a new doctor. THIS WILL BE THE ONE! i scream aloud twirling in a pink flared skirt, around and around in a field of wildflowers and soft wheat. For a completely hopeless person i am insanely optimistic about these things. i hope shes not some religious cunt that bakes in a tanning bed and whitens her teeth and has 3 crowns stored in her childhood bedroom at her parent’s house. please god please.

today was a delight but saturday was horrid. i was hung over and thirsty and i dont know i guess all my pill power drained out with the urine. i was ready to die a thousand times over. but that was then.

:)

People! People!

tomorrow i go to the nazi lazik center again. absolutely positively fucking dreading that shit. i hope i have wonderous news to post tomorrow after the visit. funny, right? Maybe I should make an effort to look presentable for the doctors. maybe they think i’m an orphan and homeless and so they dont take me seriously. Maybe if i go in there smelling of expensive perfume and pressed clothing i’ll charm them all and they will decide to pay attention to my failing eyesite. or maybe i need to take a roofie and go to bed.

oh bugger

I got a voicemail yesterday from my Dermatologist’s office. They always always send me a letter to let me know my biopsies are normal, so I knew straight away that getting a phone call wasn’t good. And I was so right! Basal cell carcinoma just below my cheekbone! But honestly that kind of skin cancer i’m not too worried about. My mom has had many of those removed, so I knew it was just a matter of time for me. I have fair skin, blond hair, blue eyes. I grew up in south Florida and tanned alllll through high school. So I half expect it anytime I go to the dermatologist, but this is my first bona fide case.

oh hell

I have shed the last tear over my lasik situation. I am wholly at the mercy of the assmunch physician and the carefree surgeon. Being emotional about this clusterphuck is completely useless. On my last visit to that vision shitbox they told me to come back in 3 to 6 weeks, and they’d evaluate. And then they plan to evalutate again. And then possibly? maybe? they might consider correcting my right eye. I hope dr.walsh chokes on a chicken bone tonight.

awesomeness

The lasik place told me today that the surgery i’m scheduled to have tomorrow (in my right eye to fix the overcorrection from the first surgery) isn’t going to happen. m0th3rfu(kers.

i went to the pharmacy yesterday and filled the $70 prescription.
could they have told me sooner???

i’ve had my hopes up all week. giddy as a schoolgirl.
could they have told me sooner???

yes this is the surgery that has been scheduled for a month and 1.75 years in the works. wtf. so i got off the phone with them this morning i got back in bed and cried. and cried. and cried some more. george woke up and thought someone had died. and when i finally spit out Lasik, he thought they called and told me i had some disease and was going blind. and then when i said they cancelled my appt, he said why are you so upset?